How many of you have struggled with any of the following thoughts:
- When I move out of my parents house, I’ll be happy.
- When I lose weight, I’ll be happy.
- When I have more money, I’ll be happy.
- When I finish school and start my career, I’ll be happy.
- When I find a partner to love, I’ll be happy.
- When I grow the size of my glutes, I’ll be happy.
What I like to call the When I X, I’ll be happy syndrome.
Or perhaps a similar If I just had X, I would be happy syndrome:
- If I just had more money, I’d be happy.
- If I just had more friends, I’d be happy.
- If I just didn’t have acne, I’d be happy.
- If I just had a different career, I’d be happy.
I’ve struggled with these syndromes my entire life. It started when I was growing up, I’d tell myself I’d be happy once I was in college and away from home. Then in college, I told myself I’d be happy once I graduated and had a career. Then I was working my first job and told myself I’d be happy in a different career living in my own apartment. All the while, missing out on experiencing happiness in the present moments of my life. I finally had enough and decided to stop making happiness a destination and started waking up each day with the mission of choosing happiness.
Here are a few things I implemented in my life that have increased my daily happiness:
- I implemented a gratitude journal. I bought a cheap 5-minute gratitude journal and started doing one page every morning when I would first wake up. It changed my focus from what I didn’t have to what I did have. Gratitude has the powerful effect of blocking out negativity. Here are a few prompts to ask yourself:
- Name someone that makes you smile.
- Name an animal that you feel thankful for.
- Share a memory that you treasure.
- Share a reason to be grateful for living where you do.
- I started prioritizing hobbies that bring me joy. I started:
- Reading inspiring books
- Going on walks outside
- Getting some sun
- Playing music
- Going to the gym
- Going dancing
- Cuddling with cats
- I looked into volunteering and finding a sense of purpose. Sometimes you can find what you’re looking for by offering it to others (e.g. if you’re seeking friendship, be a friend to others ; if you’re looking for happiness, offer happiness to others). Here are some ideas:
- Habitat for Humanity
- American Red Cross – donate blood
- Hospice & Palliative Care
- Rehabilitation Centers
- Your local library
- I found activities that give me a sense of community. I started exploring churches and different groups in my area. Here are some examples:
- Cycling classes
- Yoga
- CrossFit
- Zumba
- Dance class
- Book club
- Video game club
- Board game group
- Adult rec sports
- Happy hours
- I focused on my relationships (with friends, family, and the relationship I had with myself).
- Phone calls with friends
- Dinners with family
- Planning fun weekends with friends
- Taking myself on dates
All of these things have increased the happiness I experience every day. There are days I still struggle to feel grateful and happy but I no longer allow myself to go down the rabbit hole of When I X, I’ll be happy syndrome.