When life becomes demanding and you feel as though you’re being pulled in different directions, it can throw you off center. This has happened to me many times, whether I was in a transitional state that ripped a familiar routine out from under me, or– on the opposite spectrum–I was entrenched in a daily routine that began to feel stale, meaningless, and unfulfilling. It doesn’t usually happen suddenly, either. The sense that something is deeply off slowly creeps up on me, until I’m suddenly asking myself “who am I?” and “what am I doing with my life”.
The feelings are hard to pinpoint, but when it happens I often have this desire to grasp onto something that gives me that deep, warm feeling of belonging and purpose, and the sensation of comfort in my body and surroundings. I want to feel like me. But I was often at a loss for what to do: wanting to get better, but unable to conjure up any ideas. Instead, it’s easier to grab my phone and hop onto social media in search of something inspiring, only to dissociate even further outside of myself.
While I still occasionally struggle with feeling like I’m losing some fundamental part of myself, I now have ways to bounce back and come back home to myself more quickly, but gently. I want to share these with anyone else out there who feels like they’re losing themselves, whether it’s to a soul-sucking job, an unhealthy relationship, or a lifestyle that isn’t quite in line with your truest self.
Ways to return to yourself:
- Connect with others who remind you of who you are. Although I find great peace in my alone time, sometimes isolation is not what I need to reconnect with myself. Ironically, it’s connecting with others (who help me feel happy to be me) that can bring me back to myself. Here are some ideas:
- Call a close friend or family member. Even if you haven’t talked in a while, I’m sure there is at least one person who probably cares about your existence. Trust me, someone will be happy to hear from you and know you were thinking of them. You don’t even have to talk about what you’re going through; even just a casual conversation can do wonders.
- Go on a walk in your neighborhood, and say hello to a neighbor (and their dog). You’d be surprised how kind most people are. And if they ignore you, they’re probably in a bad mood and it has nothing to do with you. Greet another.
- On the other hand, distance yourself from people who bring out the worst in you. If you find yourself feeling out of sorts every time you interact with someone, then it may be time to ask yourself if this relationship is beneficial for you and if this person even wants the best for you. If not, toss ‘em!
- Return to an old hobby that feels like “you”. Maybe it’s dancing, sketching, baking, handbuilding pottery, or birdwatching. Don’t pressure yourself to be skilled or to perform well. Don’t think about the outcome or achieving anything. Enjoy the process and how it feels to create, to learn, or to move.
- Immerse yourself in nature. I find that immersing myself in the outdoors, whether it’s by hiking through a forest, gazing at vast mountains, or even just sitting on the grass under a tree nearby fills me with a sense of awe. Feeling connected to the earth and the entire universe can be grounding and also reminds us of how we are all part of something bigger than ourselves. In turn, this can remind us of our place in our local environment and even the entire universe. It’s strange how feeling small can bring us back to ourselves.
- Go to therapy. Processing our emotions and getting some validation from someone else in a safe environment can go a long way in putting us at ease in our place in life. I often feel grounded and like I have a handle on life after a therapy session.
- Spend time doing nothing. Our brains need downtime to process our thoughts and emotions, reflect and think about the future, and to have the space to be creative. You might be surprised at your mind’s ability to spontaneously generate new ideas and solve problems when you aren’t distracted. Sit or lie down in a quiet space and stare at the ceiling, or close your eyes (don’t fall asleep though!). Connect with your breath. You could even try meditation. Allow yourself to be the moment. While it may be boring for a little while, you’d be surprised at what you suddenly come up with in time. You might resolve a problem or remember something cool you want to try. If you can’t sit still, going on a walk without any music or podcasts playing in your ears can have a similar effect.
- Spirituality and religion. Many find meaning by connecting with something bigger. If you haven’t been to a place of worship in a while, then go for a visit. Maybe read some religious or spiritual texts. If organized religion is not your style, there are alternative ways to connect to your spirituality or explore other belief systems.
- Live out your values. Feeling connected to yourself through your virtues and acting as your highest self is both empowering and fulfilling. If you care about the environment, start a compost or go on a litter pickup hike. If being helpful is important to you, volunteer or donate to a cause you care about. If maintaining a healthy body is something you value, start a new workout plan. Maybe truth and honesty is a key virtue for you; put an effort into reading research papers, challenging your beliefs, and always being honest. If family is important to you, put extra effort into keeping in touch with relatives and spending quality time with them.
- Don’t know where to start? Try writing a list of values or virtues that feel central to who you are and the life you want to live, then figure out what actions you can take to fulfill them.
- Share your ideas. Others appreciate the value you bring to the world. Feel free to comment what you do to reconnect with yourself and feel at home in your body and mind.
I hope at least one person finds this list helpful. As always, thanks for stopping by!